Entry 1: Post-MFF Recovery


Welcome back to another edition of "Apollo didn't update the website in a loooooong time and now must self-flagellate." That's how you use that word, right? (Editing note: It is, and I 100% meant it in the religious way) Anyways, MFF's come and passed and now we've reached! The part! Afterwards!

Okay, so I didn't really think about what this post was going to be about before I started it, but let's just say I've had some things in mind. The first of which is my plan to get back to streaming within the next few weeks. I haven't really changed anything from my last layout, and that's by design. I really want to start back up on the foot I left off on. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I don't want to make a whole new set of assets. Nope. No matter the form though, I'll be going through a catalog of games I've been meaning to get to for a good while including Tunic, Pseudoregalia, and Mouthwashing to name a few. So that'll be fun!

The other thing I suppose I wanted to write about was the creation of my own Bluesky account. If you've read some of my stuff in the past about social media and the modern internet, you'll probably be surprised about this lil tidbit. Well, I kinda got to thinking that, seeing how the downfall of Twitter went, there's probably not a way to stop the progress of this form of social media. We can preserve our forums, message boards, personal websites, etcetera, but it won't change the fact that modern social media exists. Because of that, I think it's in my best interest to experiment with new platforms. Maybe there's a way to use them that won't trap me in a death-scrolling hellhole! No promises on any reports on this experiment, but if I do get the urge to write one I'll be sure to place it squarely right here!

(Another editing note: TW on gender dysphoria here forward)

Lastly, I just wanna get some thoughts out onto this here feed. When I was over at MFF I got the opportunity to talk a lot to people, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that the most interesting exchange wasn't had at the TF meet and greet. It was a pretty personal one with a complete stranger who I felt shared some pretty similar sentiments to my own. Now, I know that in my last blog post I said I'd try to keep this feed free, if not very light, on spilling my guts. You know what they call that? Being dishonest to one's self. What can I say, I think a lot. The point is that gender identity is really tough to think about, especially as you get further along in life. I'd write a whole essay on it here, but I'll try to keep the mess less personal and more broad. I've talked a lot with close friends on the subject. A lot of the answers I got back were either "you're probably overthinking it" (they're right and that's genuinely helpful, but I still have to find a way to address those thoughts) or "that's for you to decide" (thanks I am infamous for not being able to decide jack squat). The one answer I did get back that I can distinctly remember boiled down to "You're putting labels on things. Labels don't mean anything. So why try to apply a label to yourself?" I think that one of the most fundamental features of the body horror genre is the way a body looks to those around it. Does the body look how it's "supposed to" given the its previous form and the labels applied to it in the past? What if no labels or preconceptions were applied to it? Would the audience feel differently about it if they didn't know the thing that's barely recognizable as human was human to begin with? To be a bit more literal about it I guess, if a person who didn't apply any labels to themselves presents themselves in a new way in front of someone who they've never met or someone who's always seen that person that way, I don't think the other person would care very much. I just think that's kinda neat.

Alright back to my development hole-in-the-ground. Continue whatever antics you've planned for yourselves!

Written while listening to my playlist Aura Borrows